From Afghanistan to Syria

During the quarantine of the Cornovirus I wanted to be entertained so I hoped I would be catfished.  I joined dating sites and hoped for the best.  Now, the dating sites where not only for me to be catfished, I hoped to meet someone.  In the meantime I wanted some entertainment.  

Well, who knew the dating website would not be the place I would meet my catfish.  I just had to wait it out a little and Facebook would come through for me.  Not Facebook Dating just plain old Facebook.  I got a friend request from a man I had no idea who he was.  We had no mutual friends.  So I cast my line, I sent my usual "Do we know each other?" after I looked at his profile with limited photos and limited information.  It  he lived in San Francisco.  He replied back "no but you came across my profile and thought you looked nice." (Normally when this happens the response is I am a widow and just looking for friends.)    The bait was taken!  We started chatting.  After a few minutes he said he was in the military and working in Afghanistan.  (🐟 first checked box in the catfish list).  We talked for a couple of days but I had to cut the line after about 3 days.  Why?  Because every time he would contact me he would ask me the same questions "what do you do for a living?"  "where do you live?"  So I had to cut line and move to a new fishing spot.  Before I did, I told him next time he wants to catfish a woman he should keep notes on each woman and know what he has already asked them so they are not so obvious.  

I didn't have to wait too long for another bite. Facebook prevails again!  I got another friend request and I cast my line with the same question, "do we know each other?"  Nope we do not.  He saw my profile like the the other catfish and thought I looked nice.  This guy's profile is from San Diego (they must REALLY love California).  General chatting....what do you do, where do you live, etc.  Now, at this point I am me being me  Skeptical, questioning everything, basically I am pulling on my fishing pole with all my might. I questioned everything he said and did. I told him he was a catfish and that he checked all the boxes.  I went the whole nine yards. If I kept doing this I was going to lose this catfish.  I had to gently reel him in.  So, he tells me is a surgeon but is currently in Syria (🐟).  Not in the military but is a contractor helping the wounded in the war 🐟.  He is widowed (🐟) and has two children.  His wife died at childbirth (🐟 tragic death) and his children are in boarding school (🐟).  I am questioning him left and right about the validity of who he is.  I knew I had to be sympathetic but it is so hard when you hear bullshit.  I did ask him to prove to me who he was by sending me a proof of life current picture and he said he had no camera (🐟).  Then I said we should video chat but again he does not have access to a camera (🐟).  Well, what about the computer he is on and he says it does not have a camera (🐟).  He lives in a compound (🐟) and they are not allowed to have personal devices (🐟).  He will, however, ask a friend to borrow a laptop and risk getting in trouble to video chat with me(🐟) .   I am still being skeptical Maria but realize to keep him in the line I  have to be compassionate Maria:

Skeptical Maria:  You check all the catfish boxes, send me proof of life, you're telling me you are helping Syrians but cannot communicate with your kids, etc. 

Compassionate Maria:  It must be so difficult not seeing your kids for this long, you must be exhausted working all day saving lives, I am sure you must be ready to get home so you can hug and kiss your kids, etc. 

Anyway, we set a date and time. With the time difference I will have to get up at the ass crack of dawn and I do.  Now, he says this video chat has to be on Google hangouts not on Facebook messenger like we have been using (because social media is forbidden (🐟) yet we are on it all the time).   No video chat happens at 6 a.m. so I wait until 6:30.  He sends me a message on FB messenger to tell me "I did not send him a message on Google hangouts."  Oh yes I did because I had to create a whole new  fake account to chat. 

When he said I lied and didn't message him on Hangouts, I told him not to call me a liar.  Then he tried to flip the script and accuse me of not being real.  I laughed out loud....literally. I listed all the catfish check boxes and reminded him who searched who out.  

We are still chatting and I am trying to be that compassionate person but I am almost ready to cut the line.  It is fun but I am getting bored.  If you can help me come up with more questions to check the catfish boxes let me know and we can bring this back to entertaining.  Otherwise, I will cut my line and rest my pole for a while.  

**I did get another friend request today from another guy who lists he is from Houston but is in Italy as an engineer.  He is also a widow (aren't they all?) and has a 14 year old daughter in "borden" school and her "aunty do take care of her."  Didn't know the dairy company takes care of kids.  Can we say hooked on phonics?  

***I have now closed my FB account to any random friend request (honestly did not know I had it open to the public.  Only friends of friends can friend request me.

**** YES I am being careful and not divulging any personal information.